I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
