I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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