My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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