Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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