took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
