The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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