how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
