who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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