The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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