They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize