ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
