he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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