college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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