Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
