so that wasnt chicken after all
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
