And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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