Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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