That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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