He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
