What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize