I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
one two three fourrrrnication!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
