Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Mom said you looked used
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
