I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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