Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
