U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
