we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
