we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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