here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
