i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
