does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
