please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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