i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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