God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
