she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
