I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
