If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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