I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
