You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
