I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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