They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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