Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
