I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
