There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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