I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
