I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
