ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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