oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
