her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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