He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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