Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
