you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
