I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
