Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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