Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How external is "for external use only"?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We are all done wearing pants today
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
