this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Randomize
