hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
