And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
