We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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