Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
