I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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