We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
