You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
