U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
