Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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