i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
