I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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