When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
