When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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