I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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