They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
