Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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