i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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