So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
