the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
